"I said her name.
I recited 'Lovesong', a poem I like a great deal but she never though much of. I apologised for reading it and told myself not to worry.
The ashes stirred and seemed eager so I tilted the thin and I yelled into the wind
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU
and up they went, the sense of a cloud, the failure of clouds, scientifically quick and visually hopeless, a murder of little burnt birds flecked against the grey sky, the grey sea, the white sun, and gone. And the boys were behind me, a tide-wall of laughter and yelling, hugging my legs, tripping and grabbing, leaping, spinning, stumbling, roaring, shrieking and the boys shouted
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU
and their voice was the life and song of their mother.
Unfinished. Beautiful. Everything."
-Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 5, 2018
Labels:
death,
family,
fiction,
grief,
grief is the thing with feathers,
loss,
love,
max porter,
relationships
"Connoisseurs, they were, of how to miss a mother."
-Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter
-Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter
Labels:
childhood,
death,
fiction,
grief,
grief is the thing with feathers,
loss,
max porter,
relationships
"This is what we know of Dad. He was a
quiet boy. He drifted off on family walks,
he doodled and drew and his feelings were
easily hurt by rough kids at school. He
didn't have a head for sums. He spent the
first twenty years of his life reading books,
being not-bad-but-not-skilled at football
and waiting for Mum. He loved the Greek
myths and Russians and Joyce. He was
waiting to be our Dad.
And then our Mum and Dad were in love
and they were truly dry-stone strong and
durable and people speak of ease and joy
and spontaneity and the fact that their two
smells became one smell, our smell. Us.
Afterwards he was quieter. He was, for two
or three years, by all accounts, very odd.
He had the perpetual look and demeanour
of someone floating, turning in the beer-
gold light of evening and being surprised
by the enduring warmth. A rolled-over
shoulder half-squint half-smile. Caught
baffled by the perplexing slow-release of
sadness for ever and ever and ever. Which
I suppose, looking back, was because of us.
He couldn't rage. He couldn't want to die.
He couldn't rail against an absence when
it was grinning, singing, freckling in the
English summer tweedle dee tweedle dum
in front of him. Perhaps if Crow taught
him anything it was a constant balancing.
For want of a less dirty word: faith.
A howling sorry which is
yes which is thank you which is onwards."
-Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter
quiet boy. He drifted off on family walks,
he doodled and drew and his feelings were
easily hurt by rough kids at school. He
didn't have a head for sums. He spent the
first twenty years of his life reading books,
being not-bad-but-not-skilled at football
and waiting for Mum. He loved the Greek
myths and Russians and Joyce. He was
waiting to be our Dad.
And then our Mum and Dad were in love
and they were truly dry-stone strong and
durable and people speak of ease and joy
and spontaneity and the fact that their two
smells became one smell, our smell. Us.
Afterwards he was quieter. He was, for two
or three years, by all accounts, very odd.
He had the perpetual look and demeanour
of someone floating, turning in the beer-
gold light of evening and being surprised
by the enduring warmth. A rolled-over
shoulder half-squint half-smile. Caught
baffled by the perplexing slow-release of
sadness for ever and ever and ever. Which
I suppose, looking back, was because of us.
He couldn't rage. He couldn't want to die.
He couldn't rail against an absence when
it was grinning, singing, freckling in the
English summer tweedle dee tweedle dum
in front of him. Perhaps if Crow taught
him anything it was a constant balancing.
For want of a less dirty word: faith.
A howling sorry which is
yes which is thank you which is onwards."
-Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter
Labels:
childhood,
death,
fiction,
grief,
grief is the thing with feathers,
loss,
max porter,
parenthood,
relationships
"And I stood and breathed their air and considered - as always - things like fragility, danger, luck, imperfection, chance, being kind, being funny, being honest, eyes, hair, bones, the impossible hectic silent epidermis rejuvenating itself, never nervous, always kissable, even when scabbed, even so salty I made it, and I felt so many nights utterly, totally yanked apart by how much I loved these children..."
-Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter
-Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter
Labels:
death,
fiction,
grief,
grief is the thing with feathers,
loss,
love,
max porter,
parenthood
"There's grief and there's impractical obsession.
I was impractically obsessed with before, I said."
-Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter
I was impractically obsessed with before, I said."
-Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter
Labels:
death,
fiction,
grief,
grief is the thing with feathers,
loss,
love,
max porter,
relationships
"Everybody passing could comprehend how much I miss her. How physical my missing is. I miss her so much it is a vast golden prince, a concert hall, a thousand trees, a lake, nine thousand buses, a million cars, twenty million birds and more. The whole city is my missing her."
-Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter
-Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter
Labels:
death,
fiction,
grief,
grief is the thing with feathers,
loss,
love,
max porter,
relationships
"I remember being scared that something must, surely, go wrong, if we were this happy, her and me, in the early days, when our love was settling into the shape of our lives like cake mixture reaching the corners of the thing as it swells and bakes."
-Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter
-Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter
Labels:
death,
fiction,
grief,
grief is the thing with feathers,
loss,
love,
max porter,
relationships
"Again. I beg everything again."
-Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter
-Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter
Labels:
death,
fiction,
grief,
grief is the thing with feathers,
loss,
max porter,
relationships
"Where are the fire engines? Where is the
noise and clamour of an event like this?
Where are the strangers going out of their
way to help, screaming, flinging bits of
emergency glow-in-the-dark equipment
at us to try and settle us and save us?
There should be men in helmets speaking
a new and dramatic language of crisis.
There should be horrible levels of noise,
completely foreign and inappropriate for
our cosy London flat."
-Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter
noise and clamour of an event like this?
Where are the strangers going out of their
way to help, screaming, flinging bits of
emergency glow-in-the-dark equipment
at us to try and settle us and save us?
There should be men in helmets speaking
a new and dramatic language of crisis.
There should be horrible levels of noise,
completely foreign and inappropriate for
our cosy London flat."
-Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter
Labels:
death,
fiction,
grief is the thing with feathers,
loss,
max porter,
relationships
Tuesday, January 9, 2018
"'I do not mourn the loss of my sister because she will always be with me, in my heart,' she says. 'I am, however, rather annoyed that my Tara has left me to suffer you lot alone. I do not see as well without her. I do not hear as well without her. I do not feel as well without her. I would be better off without a hand or a leg than without my sister. Then at least she would be here to mock my appearance and claim to be the pretty one for a change. We have all lost our Tara, but I have lost a part of myself as well.'"
-The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern
Labels:
death,
erin morgenstern,
fantasy,
fiction,
sisters,
the night circus
"The bookstore is the building, but it's not only the building. It is the books inside. People are not only their bodies. And if there is no hope of saving the things we love in their original form, we must save them however we can."
-Words in Deep Blue by Cath Crowley
-Words in Deep Blue by Cath Crowley
Labels:
books,
cath crowley,
death,
family,
things,
words in deep blue
"I'll tell her that I think he had been transmigrating all his life: leaving himself in the things he loved, in the people he loved. He brimmed over the edges of his own life, and escaped."
-Words in Deep Blue by Cath Crowley
-Words in Deep Blue by Cath Crowley
Labels:
cath crowley,
death,
family,
words in deep blue
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